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Why letting go of limiting beliefs and fears is the only Path to healing and moving forwards

 


New Blog added 28th Oct 2016. Author. Trevor.R. Wales. Dip Hyp. GQHP. BWRT. 

Human beings have a great many qualities both positive and negative. We have the capacity to love and be kind and nurturing. We have the capacity for generosity and caring. As a species we are hard wired like many of the animal kingdom to be social and tribal. We are better as a collective working together. However, we have the need for individualism, our free will of self determination and to make our own choices.

We are as a species capable of great cruelty unkindness, greed and prejudice. These are just some of the negative qualities that human beings are capable of. We are in part driven by fear when we should be driven by love. Our subconscious is tasked with fight, flight or freeze and is there to keep us safe; however, our subconscious minds do not always work in our best interests.

The path to inner peace of mind begins by being brave enough to move forward taking one step at a time

Some unhappy happy people are in a prison of their own hatred and prejudice and the beliefs they hold about themselves and who they are. Some of those prejudices, dislikes, fears, hatreds may be born out of experience whilst some are generational beliefs passed on from generation to generation. The person who doesn’t question those beliefs is in reality living someone else’s perceived truth and not living their own lives through their own objectivity. We should in essence question everything done and judge things by our own ideals assuming we are strong enough to be of independent thought and reasoning.   Some people will unknowingly subconsciously sabotage their own happiness and success because of what is going on beneath the surface. It’s not until a person is prepared to hold a mirror up to their soul and stare at the  true reflection they see staring and  then  decide to let go of what isn’t helping them in life that progress and change can be made. That change has to come from within. No one can help a person to change who isn’t brave enough to take the plunge. We can try to help people through kindness, listening, advice etc but ultimately the person who knows that they have a problem and who knows that in order to feel better and knows that they need to change is the only person who can make that change. Family, friends, professionals can ‘facilitate’ but change has to come from a deep desire and willingness to do whatever it takes.  Some people are strong enough to do this and work with what they see and challenge the unconscious beliefs and behaviours held deep and some people will freeze in the light of what they see and remain stuck in fear not wanting to let go because their pain is knowable and familiar and it is fear of letting go and what is on the other side that keeps them stuck.

Over the last ten years I have seen many people with all sorts of issues some of them very complex and difficult and there are some who remain firmly in memory, both successful clients who made the changes they wanted because they dared to expand their comfort zone and move forward and those who’s fears and difficulties with living with their presenting issue just kept them stuck, stuck and with the rigid belief that could never change..... like the person who on the day of coming to see me for quitting smoking , suddenly found they couldn’t go through with it because they were so very lonely and smoking was their only friend. Nothing we talked about could change the views held by this client and it was clear that this was a secondary gin for the client.

 If a client will not believe they have the capacity change then nothing a therapist can do within the boundaries of ethical working practices will help to break down the resistance if the secondary gain is so strong to create huge internal resistance in the mind.

I have had clients whose prejudices and limited thinking they have been bought up with from early childhood has made it so very difficult for them to let go and find the happiness they seek because those beliefs have stood in the way. Those beliefs can be challenged and together if the client is willing this is something that both therapist and client can work on together to resolve so that they can find new ways of seeing life and seeing possibilities.  I once heard a story from a fellow therapist who came from a family background where the family held vey firm views about the Second World War and who were not inclined to try and see the bigger picture and move on. The story goes that this person grew up with a view that persons of a certain nationality were are the same and tarred with the same brush.... ..that was until they met someone of that very nationality who they were deeply attracted to and who fell head over heels in love. For this person that created a huge inner conflict that went beyond their own inner boundaries and which no doubt meant that difficult choices had to be made within the family. The relationship floundered and failed and the person was left scarred and heartbroken. At that point they realised they had to change and went on to seek help from a therapist to work through their issues and learn to see the world in a different way. A few years went by and the couple met again and the flame of love was rekindled. That person is now married to that person with a family of their own and moreover the prejudices held by that persons family was healed and dissolved . Sometimes it is only in letting go that our own true happiness can be found.  

Some of those people who could not move forward had issues which clearly held them back from moving forward such as believing that nothing could fix them  and some didn’t like themselves at all which is a very sad situation. I’ve had people who really hated themselves believing that they were useless and somehow less than worthy because of all of the experiences they have gone through in life..... perhaps with abusive relationships where their core identity had been eroded .. These situations have a tendency in today’s society to be supposed that it is within the framework of a partnership or marriage but in fact in my experience it can be as far back as childhood with volatile dysfunctional family life and parents who abuse and bully and who project their own fears and limitations upon their children such as telling them that they are not as good as other siblings or telling them that their birth was a mistake and that they should never have been born for example. The behaviour a small child experiences in their young years can have far reaching consequences into adult life.

It’s also true to say too that some situations with how people view themselves, looking within can be born of experiences in adult life, workplace bullying whether in the private or public sector for example which can really erode a person’s confidence and belief in themselves. Over the years I have encountered a few ex armed forces service personnel whose experience in the forces caused them a great deal of personal inner conflict. At the end of the day it is only in letting go of the past that a person can move forward.
The journey may well have its difficulties, its twists and turns, its setbacks and triumphs but it is only being brave enough to put one step in front of the other and taking the plunge that the journey into a better state of mind can be achieved.   

 

 

www.bwrt.org Find me listed under practioners for Cornwall

 

Need to break free and leave your past behind you? BWRT® breaks away from the need to find out the "WHY" of why the client has a problem. BWRT® is Solution- focussed behavioural psychotherapy. Using BWRT® there is no need for analysis. BWRT® is a content free form of  therapy which can create fast,efficient personal change where many personal problems simply seem to melt away. Call 01726 69703 for more information  

 


 

New client testimonial received 26th October 2016. Anxiety.Depression.Confidence. Weight


New blog added 26th October 2016

 A client who I started working with late last year came to see me in November 2015 presenting with Anxiety, depression and lack of confidence. After succesfully working through those issues we then went on to work with weight management which has also been very successful. I Just received this lovely testimonial in the post this morning. Hypnotherapy works!

 

"Dear Trevor.
For your portfolio in my words.
The hardest thing you will do is write down the phone number.
The rest, to change your life for the better is easy. Well worth doing. Can you afford to wait any longer to get your life back on track?
James.
Thank you very much for your help. 
Regards. 
James "

Cognitive mind based therapies can really make a big difference  to how you feel and how you perform

 If you would like to call me for an informal chat call me for a free phone consultation of up to thirty minutes

 


 

How hypnotherapy changed my clients life and how my client lost two stone in weight


New blog added 24th Oct 2016

 

At the foot of this blog is the latest progress report from one of my weight management clients I have been working with over the last few months. 
When my client came to see me they had been stuck as far as slimming went. They had been on various diets none of which consistently worked for them. When this client came to see me they knew two things.
Number 1. They knew that because of the failed diets they had been on before that their thinking had to change.
Number 2. They knew that the root of their problem lay in their eating HABITS. You see a lot of people eat when they are feeling down to help themselves feel better or they will eat when bored for something to do.

To succeed and lose weight, my client knew they had to change dramatically in their thinking and habits because everything else had failed. What my client had learned to understand is that the subconscious part of our minds has the greater control over our conscious minds and they understood that working with hypnosis and bypassing the conscious mind it was possible the create changes at the subconscious level where all of our beliefs and habits are formed. 
They understood where their inner conflict lay and the very thing that they did differently as to what most people who yo-yo diet all through their lives, going from one diet to another, is that they came to the consideration of using hypnotherapy with a completely open mind.

 

Why has my client been so successful?
One of the first things which was immediately apparent is that my client had some self esteem issues and I explained that in order for progress to be made the foundations had to be put in place and this is where we started. I also explained that this weight management programme was unique and custom tailored and needed to be taken very seriously and that everything I advised them to do in the pursuit of becoming healthy and fit need to acted upon without fail. This they did!  They joined a gym, took regular exercise even at the end of a busy day, they went for regular long walks, they now Skip regularly (Did you ever see a fat Boxer?) More importantly they changed what they eat and keeping a daily food and exercise diary was pivotal in helping them to create their success.

Not so long ago I received a message on facebook which said this:-  

"Hi Trevor. Just wanted to share some success with you... I've just done a double dance fitness class. The first one was strictly steps which copies some of the dance steps from strictly. Very good exercise and was sweating by the end if the first dance! This class lasted 1 hr. Then second class was zumba... lots of movement and cardio exercise. Again this lasted 1hr. So this evening I have completed 2hrs of exercise.... My instructor has said I should try Zumba extreme (advanced class!) As lots of the newer people are copying me :) Absolutely shattered but very happy. Before I started hypnotherapy my evenings would be sat on sofa watching telly and eating fast food... never would I have thought that I would be able to complete 2 hrs of exercise in 1 evening. When I first went Zumba I was out of breath within minutes and thought I wouldn't make it though the class... now I'm being asked to go advanced class and doing back to back classes. Thank you very much and see you on Saturday. "

Hypnotherapy was the key to helping my client access their own best inner resources and change not only what they eat and the way they eat and to make regular exercise a part of their daily routine. Hypnotherapy helped shift their ideas and behaviours towards certain foods. It also helped them change their beliefs about themselves and who they are and how they feel in themselves. Hypnotherapy is a skill that can help access the subconscious mind and help clients create strong personal behavioural changes that are in line with their deepest desires and beliefs   

At the beginning like most people my client probably thought that their behaviours and beliefs around eating habits and their views on food were 'unique' to them with their problem of not being able to get their weight under control..... and for most, when people have problems that they can't seem to solve, the thought that they must be the only ones with that problem tends to be human nature and so they try hard and fail and then try harder and harder and still fail and they come to think they must be the only one stuck in this way and perhaps think there is something wrong with them even though there are most likely thousands of people out there with the same problem.

When we are stuck with a problem, because we tend to focus on it a lot, it becomes big and we tend to think we are the only ones experiencing that problem. We try harder and harder and what we find is that the harder we try the harder it is to achieve.

What is happening is in fact the law or reverse effect. This law was conceived around the turn of the twentieth century by Emile Coue, a French psychologist and pharmacist who introduced a popular method of psychotherapy and self-improvement based on optimistic autosuggestion.The father of autosuggestion referred to it as the "Law of Reversed Effort." Coue's law stated, "whenever there is a conflict between the will (conscious effort) and the imagination (mental imagery), not only do we not do that which we wish, but we do the exact opposite." When one thinks that he would like to do something but feels he cannot, then the more he tries the more difficult it becomes. 

This is where the unique power of hypnosis comes into play where we can reprogramme me the subconscious mind..... I will say no more now but let my clients words speak for themselves:-

"Morning Trevor. I hope you're well. I've just weighed myself, fist time in couple of weeks. And good news, I'm now 17 10. This means I have lost 2 stone since starting with you. I'm very very happy with this progress. Going to work extra hard to get to 16 stone asap as 17 is my unlucky number! Have a great day. Thank you"

If you would like to talk weight loss then why not get in touch? You can call me on 01726 69703


 

The importance of self esteem in childhood and adulthood

New blog added 22nd Oct 2016

Self esteem and the importance of self care, nurturing and how parenting is so important

 

 Self esteem,it all begins in childhood

When a person doesn't like themselves their core beliefs can extend back to root causes in early childhood. Those core beliefs can be thoughts that they are " a waste of space" because that is what they are constantly being told.... or that they were a mistake and should never have been born because they had a parent who constantly told them how useless they were. As far as young minds go, even something said once in haste and anger can become traumatic and frightening and something played over and over again in the child's mind becoming bigger and bigger and bigger. Even conversations, perhaps something overheard that a young child wasn't meant to hear can implant the notion of not being loved and cared about. Young children do not have the reasoning abilities that develop into adulthood and how we care and nurture our children is really so very important. Bringing our children up with a balance where they know they are loved and also where they know where those boundaries are so when they do something wrong and are chastised they still know they are loved is so important and I think I can speak from personal experience here as often as a child I didnt feel loved by my mum and dad because of the difficulties they were going through. Fortunately I had two sets of loving grandparents and I spent some time in Guernsey growing up with my aunt and uncle and cousins which helped a lot in developing confidence, resilience and self esteem.

 

Low self esteem can also start to develop at nursery and school where a child may be bullied and start to suffer peer pressure. The lessons a child learns about themselves in life will often stay with them throughout all of their lives and if the views they hold about themselves leads them to become withdrawn,socially dysfunctional, extreme in their views on people and life then they will drag that around with them all through their life. The hardened views and dysfunctional behaviour may well build a protective shell and help a person cope in what they may view as a very unfair world and their behaviours and actions towards others may well distance them from friendships and social integration. For others who suffer and who do not form a hard exterior they can become depressive, isolated ,sad and lost even putting on a brave exterior face to all the world that they are ok when deep down inside they are crying out for help because their view of themselves is so negative and they dont know what to do. Their view is sadly imprinted on their psyche in early childhood and compounded as they get older as they come to believe that is true because of the feedback they constantly receive. As a young child I was mercilessly bullied and teased because I wasn't as bright academically as the other kids in my peer group and as a quiet shy and retiring kid the playground experience became a daily thing of dread... a battleground

When a child is very young the mind is like a sponge soaking up everything and if the core message surrounding their personal identity is negative then the child will in all probability come to believe this to be true. It's hard to understand how & why a parent may do this to their own child but we all know people have their own issues and crosses to bear and something may well have happened which is quite traumatic to the parent that changed their internal reasoning and behaviour towards the child. 


As a young teenager in love I remember one of my girlfriends had this feeling that they were not good enough and it was the fact that the next child her mother had was stillborn and her mother used to tell her from time to time that if She (the girlfriend) had not been born then the next child would not have been stillborn and although no blame was ever attached to her directly she grew up with the firm feeling that in her family as the youngest she was loved the least and that her mother blamed her for the death of her sister. She grew up a moody and troubled teenager whose relationship with her parents was difficult to say the least and who left home at 16. As I got to know her over the time we were together more and more it became apparent that she was a fairly dysfunctional person on many levels being difficult to get to know, quite argumentative and distant a great deal of the time.The very fact that in the time that we were together this subject came up numerous times, looking back now indicates that here was a person who was affected by their past and the messages they had received about their childhood. They were clearly not happy and perhaps somehow reaching out for help. At that time, I did not understand and I also had my own personal issues coming from a broken home. 
When a person doesn't like themselves it can make it very difficult for them to behave in a way that endears them to other people because it can sometimes go hand in hand with social dysfunctionality where the person can make themselves difficult to get along with and very hard to get to know. They may even hold quite polarised views of other people.

Both at home and at school, setting our children up with confidence and good self esteem values equips them to feel happy and valued

Over my time as a therapist I have worked with many people who even go so far as hating themselves and think that they are completely unfixable. What often surprises them is how the journey into therapy can help them to effect a complete mind shift of their worldview and how they view themselves and enabling them as people to live a happy fulfilling life....... and that of course is the end aim. 
As you can easily realise the journey isn't easy and it can take time, sometimes quite a long time to heal involving several sessions and sometimes more but in that instant when the mind is ready to change that change can take place in an instant. Therapy is not a magic bullet but a very powerful useful set of tools to facilitate personal change and growth.

There is no price that can be put on peace of mind and when you really want to change you will find that peace of mind


 

 
9 Jubilee Meadow, St Austell, PL25 3EX
01726 69703